The Weight of Being a Black Woman Therapist: When Your Role Gets Romanticized and Weaponized

As Black women in healing professions, we often carry a double weight. On one hand, our work is revered - people admire our insight, compassion, and wisdom. On the other hand, our humanity is often overlooked. Instead of relating to us as whole people, some project their needs, fears, or defenses onto us. One moment, someone gushes about how you "always know what to say." The next, they resent you: "I'm not in therapy right now!" Or, they casually drop: "Do you think I'm [insert a diagnosis or psychological label]?"

This whiplash - being pulled between pedestal and projection - is exhausting. It dehuamnizes us and blurs the line between our professional work, and our personal relationships. Our work is romanticized because we're often expected to be endlessly wise, patient or soothing. On the other hand, our work is weaponized because our insight can be used against us, as though our humanity disqualifies our voice. The reality is, we are full human beings, worthy of reciprocity, respect and boundaries.

For Black Women Healers Navigating this Dynamic:

• Name it. Acknowledge what's happening: "This feels like projection." Naming it helps release the weight.

• Set boundaries early. Gently remind loved ones: "I'm not your therapist - I'm your sister/friend/daughter/partner."

• Call in support. Surround yourself with people who value not only your gifts but also your humanness.

• Release the guilt. You don't owe constant emotional labor outside your professional role.

Being a therapist (or healer of any kind) doesn't mean people get to treat you as perpetually strong, dismiss your feelings, or avoid having hard conversations with you. You are not responsible for managing the emotions of others.

Gentle Guidance for Those Who Project:

If you love or admire a Black woman healer:

• Honor her boundaries. If she says she's not "on the clock," respect that.

• See beyond her profession. She's more than her insights - she's also laughter, flaws, dreams and rest.

• Ask, don't assume. Instead of dropping a diagnostic question, try: "Do you feel up for talking about this?"

• Give back. Encourage her, support her, and create space where she can be vulnerable, too.

And if she initiates a tough conversation, don't assume she's trying to "be your therapist." Believe her when she says she wants to clear up misunderstandings, or repair relationship ruptures. That's not therapy - that's genuine care. (And yes, if someone is using their profession to control or overstep with loved ones, it's valid to set boundaries with them, too.)

To my fellow healers: your humanity is sacred.

To those in relationship with us: the greatest gift you can offer is space for us to be fully human - not just the role we embody.