Trauma Responses Aren't Permanent: Learning to Notice, Pause, and Choose

When we think about the common trauma responses—fight, flight, freeze, fawn (people pleasing), or shut down—we often mistakenly imagine them as fixed personality traits: “I’m a fighter,” “I’m a freezer,” “I always flee.” But the truth is, trauma responses are not permanent. They can be fluid, situational, and deeply connected to both our environment and our resources at the time.

As children, for example, our options may have been limited. Without a car, financial independence, or safe adults to rely on, some of us may have frozen when faced with overwhelming experiences. Freezing was a way to survive. But as adults, with more resources—maybe access to a bus, a job, or supportive friends—we might notice that we no longer freeze. Instead, we might flee. Or maybe we fight back. Or maybe we appease (fawn).

The common thread in each response is protection. But sometimes, long after the threat is gone, our nervous systems stay on high alert. We might find ourselves running from relationships, jobs, or opportunities at the very first hint of discomfort.

The challenge—and the healing work—is in learning to notice the shift, recognize when the old response is showing up, and ask: Is this response protecting me right now, or is it keeping me from what I want and need? The nervous system is brilliant at remembering what once worked. If fleeing kept you safe, your body may default to flight—even when the present situation is not dangerous. After trauma, our brains are trained to expect danger.

Practical Tips: Resisting the Urge When You’re Safe

Pause and Name the Response. Notice: “I feel the urge to run/argue/shut down/please.” Naming it creates a gap between impulse and action.

Ask Yourself Grounding Questions. Am I safe in this moment? Is this person/situation truly a threat—or just uncomfortable? What evidence do I have that this is dangerous?

If I stay, what’s the worst that could happen?

Use the Body to Signal Safety. Try deep belly breathing or placing a hand over your heart. Ground by noticing 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste. If possible, relax your shoulders, jaw, and fists—send a message to your nervous system that you are not in danger.

Seek Wise Feedback. If you’re unsure whether to trust your perception, check in with a trusted friend, therapist, or mentor: “Does this situation seem unsafe to you?”

Experiment with Staying. Instead of running immediately, commit to staying 5 more minutes in the conversation, room, or situation. Notice how your body feels. Sometimes safety reveals itself with time.

Practice in Safe Settings. Build tolerance by experimenting with small, low-stakes situations: sitting with minor discomfort in a conversation, holding back from instantly appeasing, or staying silent instead of defending.

Trauma responses can be life-saving strategies, they aren’t flaws, and they aren’t permanent labels. Healing involves honoring how they once protected you in the past, and practicing discernment in using them in the present. With intentional observation, self-inquiry, and gentle experiments in safety, you can learn to choose—not just react.