From Shame to Control: A Clinical Perspective on Faith, Identity, and Power

Professional Disclaimer: As a licensed clinician, I aim to provide educational insight on mental health topics. Commentary on publicized events outlined below is not intended as a psychological diagnosis, clinical opinion about specific individuals, or legal interpretation of any case. This blog should not be understood as legal advice, legal judgment, or professional evaluation. Ethical clinical and legal determinations require direct assessment and formal legal processes. I am not, in any manner, associated with the persons or events in this case.

Additionally, I want to be explicit: I am not asserting that being Black, male, and gay—or holding any marginalized identity—is inherently linked to narcissism, abuse, or any form of pathology. Identity is not pathology. Being part of the LGBTQ+ community is not something to be diagnosed, explained away, or framed as dysfunction; it is a meaningful dimension of who a person is.

When I discuss harmful behaviors or relational patterns, I am speaking about behaviors—not identities. Harmful behavior can emerge in any community, just as healing, accountability, and wholeness can. My work does not conflate the two.

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On Friday, I saw a post on Facebook discussing what is now a deleted Facebook livestream tied to the profile of a Southern Florida preacher, TD McNutt, pastor of Transformation Empowerment Worship Center. McNutt is currently facing controversy after his livestream went viral, where he made his adopted son apologize for allegedly false accusations of sexual abuse and physical abuse. This incident follows his arrest in early December 2025, for charges of cruelty toward a child and abuse without great bodily harm. The over 1-hour long livestream, which was viewed over half a million times, has generated widespread discussion, criticism and concern across the internet due to its deeply troubling nature.

The livestream is riddled with McNutt, and the child's mother, a member of Transformation Empowerment Worship Center, imposing public shame and humiliation directed at the child. Additionally, online discussions have pointed out McNutt's apparent grooming behaviors displayed in various other posts on his public profile toward other young Black boys, as well as his relentless pursuit of proving he is anything but a narcissist.

Full transparency, I regrettably watched the entire video; but only the first few minutes of the livestream would have sufficed to allow me to draw professional insights about what I heard and saw. Simply put, I, like so many others, quickly became alarmed, concerned, and deeply grieved by what I watched. 

And this got me to thinking…particularly as a Black Christian woman who grew up in the Black Baptist church, who also happens to be a licensed mental health counselor...This preacher's story is not the only of its kind to be found within the sacred institution of the Black church. 

We've seen many examples of pastors and other Black men of power, like McNutt. Rarely, though, do we further the conversation and talk about how such a story even comes to be. I am writing this to do just that. 

Peeling Back the Layers

From a clinical perspective, it can be helpful to approach situations like McNutt's with nuance AND accountability. Without evaluating McNutt directly, we cannot diagnose or definitively explain his behavior. However, we can thoughtfully explore psychological and social dynamics that sometimes contribute to patterns such as narcissistic traits or abusive relational styles. This is especially important from an educational standpoint. Understanding psychological and social dynamics does not cancel accountability for excuse harm. Education is preventative, not excusatory. We can hold people accountable for harm while still educating ourselves about the psychological and social dynamics that sometimes contribute to harmful patterns. Doing so is about awareness, and community protection.

First, it’s important to clarify that narcissism exists on a spectrum. Many clinicians draw a distinction between healthy self-worth and pathological narcissism, which is often conceptualized in diagnoses such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM-5). 

At its core, pathological narcissism is frequently understood as arrogance, grandiosity and an approach to life that suggests a person is above reproach, used as a defensive structure built around deep vulnerability, shame, and unstable self-worth. In many cases, what shows up externally as dominance, entitlement, or control can function internally as protection against profound feelings of inadequacy or rejection, most often stemming from a history of trauma and shame.

The Role of Chronic Shame

Research consistently shows that chronic shame, especially shame attached to core identity, can be psychologically destabilizing. When a person receives repeated messages that an essential part of who they are is morally wrong, dangerous, or unacceptable, the result can be:

• Internalized self-hatred

• Splitting or compartmentalization of identity

• Hypervigilance about how others perceive them

• Overcompensation through rigid moralism or control

I think it's important to include a section about the intersectional identities of Black, male and gay within religious contexts here, only because I've observed how this intersectionality has entered conversations related to the specific pastor's story that sparked this writing. Again, let me be clear: as I stated in my professional disclaimer at the top of this blog post, I do not believe that being Black, male, and gay—or holding any marginalized identity—is associated with narcissism, abuse, or mental illness. Identity is not pathology. When I name harmful patterns, I am naming behaviors, not identities. My commitment is to accountability without stigmatizing the communities to which people belong.

For Black gay men raised in environments where homosexuality is heavily stigmatized, especially within tightly knit religious communities, identity conflict can become severe. This is not inherently about religion. There are some faith communities that are affirming and psychologically protective. However, in contexts where sexuality is framed as sin, perversion, or moral failure, the psychological burden on Black gay men can be intense.

Intersectional Stress

When considering a Black man in certain evangelical Christian spaces, there are additional layers worth acknowledging. For many Black people, the church has historically offered space for respite and spiritual renewal amid daily encounters with racism outside the church walls. The church also has provided a sense of belonging and community. 

This deeply cultural sense of belonging is fiercely won through relentless effort, making it especially difficult, in some aspects, to give up. This reality can be explained in the example of Black gay men who, despite exposure to homophobic messages within some religious spaces, will choose to remain in these environments; even at the cost of their mental, emotional and spiritual well-being (Barnes and Meyer, 2012). For some, they will even attempt to hide or suppress their sexuality, simply for the sake of belonging and acceptance in these spaces. 

Black men in the United States have historically faced racialized stereotypes, hypermasculinity expectations, and limited social power. Within some religious contexts, masculinity is further narrowly defined, often tied to authority, strength, and heterosexual leadership. 

If a Black gay man simultaneously experiences:

• Racial marginalization in broader society

• Rigid gender role expectations

• Sexual identity stigmatization

• Community-based moral condemnation

…the cumulative stress can be substantial. Clinically, we might conceptualize this through the lens of minority stress theory and identity threat. Chronic exposure to identity-based rejection can foster profound shame and fear of being “found out,” humiliated, or stripped of respect.

Control as a Defensive Mechanism

In some individuals, such as some Black gay men navigating homophobic religious spaces, loss of autonomy or dignity in one area of life, can lead to overcompensation to reclaim power elsewhere; especially if they do not otherwise have spaces where they are fully accepted and loved by others as their full selves. When shame is overwhelming, one common defense is overcontrol. That might manifest as:

• Rigid authority over others

• Moral dictatorship

• Intolerance of disagreement

• Emotional coercion or spiritual manipulation

From a psychological standpoint, this can represent a defensive attempt to externalize internal chaos. If someone feels internally fragmented or ashamed, exerting control over others may temporarily restore a sense of coherence and superiority.

This does not excuse abusive behavior. Abuse, whether emotional, spiritual, or physical, is harmful and unacceptable. And, understanding how shame, identity conflict, and unprocessed trauma can fuel maladaptive defenses that turn into abusive behaviors, helps us address root causes rather than just condemning outcomes.

Narcissism as a Response to Injury

Clinicians often think of pathological narcissism as an acclimation-based survival tactic used to navigate early relational trauma rather than a character flaw. When someone such as a Black gay man learns early on that being fully themselves could possibly result in rejection, in some instances, they may construct a “false self” that is admired, feared, or morally elevated. Over time, that false self can become rigid and defended at all costs, by self, and others. Ultimately, this false self is manufactured for the purpose trying to mentally, emotionally, socially and physically protect oneself.

In such cases, the abusive and grandiose narcissistic behaviors may be attempts to:

• Avoid exposure of vulnerability

• Silence internal shame

• Prevent abandonment or ridicule

• Maintain dominance to avoid feeling powerless

Again, this does not make the behavior acceptable. It does, however, reframe it as psychologically meaningful when it comes to addressing potential root causes, and creating or finding effective ways to prevent such behavior.

A Compassionate Caution to Families and Faith Communities

Shaming a family member for core aspects of identity can produce long-term harm, including increased depression and anxiety, elevated suicide risk, substance misuse, identity fragmentation and defensive personality adaptations (Rutgers School of Public Health, 2025). It is with this in mind that I want to emphasize the possibility of simultaneously holding fast to your faith, while also prioritizing emotional safety, dignity, and unconditional love for your loved ones, particularly those of the LGBTQ+ community.

Clinical research consistently shows that attachment security, knowing one is loved and valued, is protective against the kinds of defensive personality characteristics that later manifest in abusive relational patterns.

It’s also important to hold this nuance: Black churches or Christian families are not uniquely oppressive. Historically, the Black church has been a source of liberation, resilience, political activism, and communal care. At the same time, like all institutions, it exists within larger cultural systems and can unconsciously, or unintentionally transmit harmful narratives.

From a compassionate standpoint, many families enforcing strict anti-homosexual beliefs believe they are protecting souls. They don't (want to) believe they are harming people. 

For Christian families, particularly Black Christian families who are often navigating both racial injustice and strong communal faith traditions, the invitation I'm extending is not to abandon your faith. Rather, it is to consider the psychological cost of how certain traditions and beliefs are communicated and enforced. I invite you to ask yourself:

• How did these beliefs arrive here?

• Who originally benefited from them?

• What is their psychological and spiritual impact now?

Exploring these questions can help communities separate faith from inherited systems of oppression, and potentially reduce the shame that contributes to the kinds of defensive, harmful adaptations we discussed earlier.

Holding Two Truths at Once

We can hold two truths simultaneously:

1. Abusive or controlling behavior must be confronted and prevented.

2. The roots of such behavior often lie in untreated shame, trauma, and identity injury.

Approaching these issues with clarity and compassion allows us to move beyond public outrage, toward meaningful prevention. When communities reduce shame and increase psychological safety for marginalized groups such as Black gay men, they decrease the likelihood that individuals will develop rigid, compensatory defenses that harm themselves and others.

Ultimately, the broader clinical takeaway is this: chronic identity-based shaming can distort development. When people are not permitted to exist authentically within loving structures, they may develop maladaptive strategies to survive. Our work, as clinicians, faith leaders, and families, is to reduce the conditions that make those strategies necessary in the first place.

Citations

Barnes, D. M., & Meyer, I. H. (2012). Religious affiliation, internalized homophobia, and mental health in lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 82(4), 505–515. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23039348/

Rutgers School of Public Health. (2025). How discrimination and stress impact the mental health of young sexual minority men. Rutgers Health Analysis. 

Additional Reading for Historical Perspective

Han, E., & O’Mahoney, J. (2014, October 30). The British colonial origins of anti-gay laws. The Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/monkey-cage/wp/2014/10/30/the-british-colonial-origins-of-anti-gay-laws/

Love, N. S. (2020). Shield maidens, fashy femmes, and tradwives: Feminism, patriarchy, and right-wing populism. Frontiers in Sociology, 5, 619572. https://doi.org/10.3389/fsoc.2020.619572

Reddy, V., & Sandfort, T. (2020). African same-sex sexualities and gender diversity: A framing note. Sexualities, 24(1–2), 3–12. https://doi.org/10.1177/1363460720914597